They tell you that you shouldn’t feel a certain way
Telling someone else that they should or shouldn’t feel a certain way doesn’t exactly make the other person feel all warm and supported inside. It makes them feel like their feelings aren’t being valued or understood.
“I say I’m upset because I didn’t get the raise and the partner says, “well, you really shouldn’t feel that way, you know, your company doesn’t give out a lot of raises,”” Sultanoff said. “And when someone discounts another’s emotional experience, they’re more disconnected emotionally.”
Although things like this can sometimes happen because the other person is trying to cheer you up or otherwise make you feel a bit better, it often still doesn’t have its intended effect.
“[I]t can be that they’re trying to make the person feel better, but in so doing, they’re actually creating distance and most people don’t feel better, they feel more disrespected or unheard or disconnected, but the attempt may be the only way I know to make you feel better is to tell you that there’s no reason to feel that way,” Sultanoff explained.
